EuphOff: the FLASH Christmas Edition!

‘They call me Back Door Santa
I make my runs about the break of day (oh, ho, ho)
I make all the little girls happy
While the boys are out to play’

Clarence Carter, Back Door Santa

I absolutely love the EuphOff – an awesome, terrible, wonderful erotica competition where dodgy innuendos and purple prose weave actual magic to create hot and hilarious stories! If you’re new to the idea, to do and read some of the previous entries on the EuphOff page – and be warned, they’re really something.

I know, I know, that this competition usually runs in March – and probably will again at some point next year – but I felt that 2020 needed to end on something funny. Something better than the rest of the year!

And, of course, M&S provided perfect #EuphOff fodder with its ridiculous Christmas products…

So I’m going to run it. (Even though my poll above wasn’t exactly conclusive!!) Christmas #EuphOff is a go!

I don’t know if anyone has the time or the energy to write stupid erotica right now, but I hope you will. Christmas is always a great prompt for erotica at the best of times and I can’t wait to see what the added EuphOff sparkle will create!

And there is a prize – thank you to Satisfyer once again for generously providing sex toys to give away! As this is a shortened flash competition, I only have one prize so you’ll have to make sure that your story is the best!

The Christmas EuphOff prize - a Satisfyer sex you

This competition, we are giving away a Satisfyer Curvy 1+ – a toy that combines Satisfyer’s air pulse technology with intense vibrations. It’s waterproof, made of body friendly silicone AND is now app controlled!

What are you waiting for?!


  1. The story should be 500 words or less.
  2. The competition is open NOW from 7th December 2020 and closes at 20:00 GMT on 18th December 2020.
  3. The winner will be announced at the Festive Smutathon Smut Slam at 22:00 GMT – sign up if you want to attend and hear some actually excellent erotica!
  4. Open to aged 18+ entrants only.
  5. I will be the judge with EA providing additional opinions if I’m struggling to choose.
  6. Entries must include at least one obvious Christmas pun, the phrase ‘Santa’s YumNutt’ or reference to a well-known Christmas song to be considered.
  7. Posts must be linked via the linking tool at the end and contain the EuphOff coffee bean badge – either the normal badge, whose code can be found on the EuphOff page, or by saving the Christmas image at the end of the post. Don’t forget to link back here!
  8. I am happy to host guest stories if preferred – email or DM me.
  9. Share your post and others on social media with the hashtag: #EuphOff.
  10. The winner will be contacted via DM and have 48 hours to respond or I will pick another winner.
  11. Prizes will be posted within 14 days of a response from the recipient – although COVID restrictions after Christmas may mean that there are delays.
  12. International entries welcome but may experience a delay in prize delivery.
  13. Even in parody, entries must not include illegal activities (e.g. bestiality, paedophilia) or ambiguous consent.
  14. EuphOff is a safe and inclusive writing competition and welcomes writers of all backgrounds, genders and sexualities. I do not tolerate transphobia, homophobia, biphobia, kink shaming, racism, sexism or any other harmful content, and have a low tolerance for content that I believe to be harmful – whether intentional or not. I reserve the right to remove links to any content that does not fit with these ideals.
The Christmas EuphOff badge - a coffee bean with a Christmas hat!

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