EuphOff 2020: Into the dragon’s lair…

‘Arthur might be a king, but he can’t make you come’

Anita Clenney, Fountain Of Secrets

It’s here again! March is the time for #EuphOff so here is this year’s version of an over-the-top, euphemism heavy flash fictional story for your pleasure/bewilderment!


Man dragon

Sir Avery Niceraque was magnificent. Body encased in figure-hugging stainless steel, her shiny orbs were the envy of everyone she met. No codpiece could catch the eye like her double domed doublet; no lance could pierce like the glint on her gigantic gongs. So distracting were her metallic melons that Sir Niceraque remained undefeated whenever the Knights of the Lacy Garter met for a tournament.

But she now faced her toughest challenge. A dastardly dragon was terrorising her domain, demanding damsels on a daily basis. Many had tried to defeat him; many had failed. The land around his lair was littered with the armour and weaponry of those brave knights who had come to a sticky end by his hand. More accustomed to being the cause of a sticky end, Sir Niceraque showed no fear as she mounted her stallion and galloped towards the dragon’s tunnel.

As she rode, Sir Niceraque bucked against the mound on her saddle, specially designed to rub the hidden rose flowering between her thighs. Apart from her squire whose duty it was to clean the lubricated leather, no one knew that Sir Niceraque’s secret weapon was to ride into war on the edge of orgasm. With her battle horn blowing loudly, she felt invincible. Eyes flashing, face aflush, her moans of victory and ecstasy merged whenever she triumphed and she finally allowed the clattering climax to cascade over her.

By the time she reached the dragon’s lair, Sir Niceraque’s thighs were slick with the juices of her desire. Leaping from her horse, she bellowed an ancient battle cry into its dark depths.

‘Come on out if you think you’re hard enough!’

Whether blinded by unsatisfied lust or bewitched by mysterious magic, Avery could not quiet a guttural gasp of arousal when the dragon slunk into view. There, swinging between his legs like a pendulum, was the most magnificent member she had ever seen. Appearing more human than monster, the massive man dragon was rock hard and glistening, and the dragon curled his claws around it to stroke his spear, pulling it up to an even more luscious length. Sir Niceraque now understood why none had defeated this formidable foe. Who could resist being fucked by such a sensational sword?

Falling to her knees, she pulled apart her armour to reveal her pulsating pussy.

‘Take me, mighty warrior,’ she begged.

The beast beckoned her closer and Avery lay at his feet as commanded. Without standing on ceremony, he thrust his thunderous trouser snake deep into her welcoming wormhole. Pounding in and out, pleasure piling on pleasure, both knight and beast danced their dirty dance until their lustful cries peaked and they came, reptilian rapture merging with gallant gratification.

Afterwards, the dragon carried her sated body inside, leaving her armour where she had discarded it as a symbol of his victory. There, eagerly waiting his return, were the other knights and dames, each hoping that it was now their turn to satisfy this insatiable serpent…


Honestly, I have too much fun writing these ridiculous stories!!

If you think you can do better and want a chance to win SEX TOYS AND EROTICA, click the button below for details of the competition and links to the other brilliant stories written this year…

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