15 BEST Things About Giving Blow Jobs!

‘That’s when I first learned that it wasn’t enough to just do your job, you had to have an interest in it, even a passion for it.’
Charles Bukowski

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that Cosmopolitan magazine when writing about sex, will always ask writers who do not enjoy sex to write their articles, and I don’t know why. As Cosmo remains a giant of mainstream sex publications, and is a source of early instruction on the subject for a lot of people like me (along with Jilly Cooper!), I am constantly astounded and horrified by the drivel that they publish in the name of promoting sex. It’s not sex positive, it’s not educational and it’s often just not right!

I’m not nearly the first to have pointed this out – Exhibit A wrote about a depressing, and frankly dangerous article on anal sex a few months ago with a fantastic response – but when a post from April 2015 on the 15 WORST things about giving blowjobs began doing the rounds again recently, I finally cracked!

As usual with the sex negative lists that litter Cosmo’s publications, the author’s choice of criticisms were quite revealing, particularly about their sexual preferences and the actions of the men they were blowing; more to the point, they weren’t at all in line with my experiences or those of the other outraged voices on Twitter.

So I decided to write a Cosmo-style comeback list as a counterbalance to the blowjob negativity that seems to be springing up all over the place this week. (As an aside, my personal experience is with cishet blowjobs so this is mostly written from that perspective but I think I’m pretty safe in saying that all, ALL, consensual blowjobs are awesome!)

Don’t go after blowjobs, Cosmo, they’re too perfect.

1. It’s difficult to go wrong

Before I had a lot of sex, I used to worry about doing it wrong and humiliating myself. What if this isn’t how they like it? What if I do something stupid or painful? What if I’m no good? But I never had those worries about giving blowjobs – I realised early on that as long as you keep your teeth covered and don’t actually bite down, there’s very little that can go horribly wrong. Lips and tongues and mouths are warm and wet and malleable, and just moulding them around his cock as it slips in and out of your mouth is going to feel good.

Yes, there are lots of publications and workshops on blowjob tips and yes, some people may have magical blowjob skills, but just enjoying giving head and being enthusiastic is all you need to start, and then it’s just a question of working out what you do that your partner likes. And it’s pretty fun finding out!

2. Sounds

Mmmmm, listening…oh, there’s so much that is good to listen to! Wet, slippery sounds and deep, throaty moans. Gasps and exclamations. Sex noises are just fantastic and anything that could make him groan like that is always going to be worth doing!

3. Tastes and smells

Sex just smells so good and I honestly think that cock smells better! It smells fresh and hot and really kicks me in the gut with lust. I love the smell of his cock on my hands after a handjob and I love burying my nose in him when I’m going down on him so I can inhale deeply, drowning in the smell. It’s wonderful.

And, of course, cock tastes better than it smells. Just as the nose can only hint at the quality of a wine when swirling the glass, you need to taste it for the full sensory experience. Not just cum, although that tastes salty-great too, but everything – it tastes soft and delicious and moreish. Go on, lick it. Run your tongue along the shaft and over the head, lick it up and really taste it. I’ll wait…

Spoiler for no. 8 – bad personal hygiene destroys this hotness. Take a bath.

4. The view

There are no bad views when it comes to blowjobs. Whether he towers above you or is stretched out in front of you, his whole body is right there for you to admire. His beautiful cock is also just in front of your eyes, slick with precum and saliva and looking good enough to eat. And I love knowing that he’s looking down at me, watching me as I blow him. It may be a porny view, but that doesn’t exactly make it a bad one.

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5. The power play

The power dynamics involved with sucking cock can be very interesting because I think of it as both a very powerful and a very submissive act. Pushing your cock into the throat of someone who is kneeling at your feet is a sign of domination, going down on someone because they’ve asked you to could be seen as performing a service, but I feel powerful when I’m going down on him. I’m in control; I am the reason why he is making those gorgeous sounds, I am the cause of his pleasure. It’s really intoxicating…

6. Vulnerability

And yet, and yet, oral sex can make you feel very vulnerable. Somehow unlike other sex, the connection can feel overwhelmingly intimate and it’s easy to get lost in your head, so much so that Exhibit A once wrote that he actually didn’t like blowjobs (although he has since changed his mind). But as often seems to be the way with acceptance of vulnerability, the risk can be worth it. It’s more powerful, more sensational, more wonderful!

7. Unambiguous request

As someone who is still not that good at asking for what I want out loud, usually relying on gestures, blowjobs are awesome because there’s no doubting what you’re asking. Wriggling down his body so that his cock is level with my mouth or dropping to my knees and opening his trousers or perhaps bending over him and salivating at how delicious he looks – these are all easier to do than to ask for, but they demonstrate such a simple act that he’s unlikely to misunderstand my pantomime. I like that a lot!

8. Good guy test

It’s a pretty crude test but I think you can tell a lot about someone by how they ask for, act during, and respond to a blowjob. Someone who persistently pushes their partner’s head down but doesn’t ask in any other way or someone who violently thrusts their cock deeper and throat-fucks despite gags of protest is probably not going to be a selfless lover elsewhere. Someone who demands head but doesn’t give in return, or who makes it clear that they’re only giving in order to receive, may not have your pleasure at the forefront of their mind. If they’re not sticking to or asking about boundaries, they’re no good; move on.

And don’t forget that personal hygiene issues can’t be hidden when your face in buried in their groin. If you don’t want to put it in your mouth, you probably won’t want to put it anywhere else either…

9. Hands-free

Although your mouth is the star player in blowjobs, there is so much that can be done with hands. Gripping around his shaft and extending the stretch of your mouth with a blowjob/handjob combination, which has the added benefit of allowing the giver to control how deeply they take his cock into their throat. Fingers scratching up thighs or curled against his stomach. Your hands are also free to play with nipples or for butt stuff if that’s what your partner likes.

And don’t forget that his hands are also free too…

10. Jizz anywhere

Just because I’m sucking your cock doesn’t mean that you always need to come in my mouth – although I do love that – and there’s no definite requirement to swallow if that’s not your thing. Come on my face, come on my tits, come in my hair. Pull your cock out of my mouth and fuck me, coming inside me. Come all over my stomach, come anywhere you want. It’s just so hot when you do!

11. Clothes on/clothes off

Bundled up in a dark alley, just out of sight, I’m on my knees and pulling open your jeans. Your cock pokes out of the fly and I wrap my lips around it, feeling it thicken and fill my throat. I push my face down further and my nose rubs against your jumper. Fully clothed, super hot. Or we’re naked and fucking. I lift myself off, sliding down to taste myself on you, and your hands curl in my hair to guide me as you fuck my mouth. As I lean deeper in, our bodies press together, skin in contact.

Excuse me, I need to go and lie down for a while…

12. Good girl

You know that excited buzz that you get deep inside you when you know that you’ve done a good job? That satisfied, arrogant swagger that comes with doing well and knowing it? Or the melting hotness of being called a good girl? I get that in spades after giving a blowjob. Whether I am incredibly good at sucking cock or not, and it’s statistically unlikely that I’m all that special, I feel like a goddess when I’m doing it. More than most types of sex, this feels like I have done it to him, I am the cause of that smile of his face.

13. I love dick!

This may be the main issue with that Cosmo article – I don’t think the author really likes dick. Luckily for you, I do. I love how they look and how they smell. I love how they feel in my mouth and how they taste. I love the textures of the skin and how soft it can be. I love everything about dicks and I love that I can celebrate and appreciate this so much more when I’m really focussed on them; when I’m running my tongue all over his cock and breathing him in. I am involved with his cock and I love it!

14. Hot, hot, hot

Blowjobs are just. so. hot. Everything that I have written and each delicious detail add up to produce a pretty fiery result. Thinking about blowjobs makes me wet; performing blowjobs makes me moan; writing about blowjobs…well, it turns out that it makes me horny!

15. But the most important thing is that every one and every person is different…

I have just written a whole long post listing why blowjobs are awesome, but all I’ve told you the reasons why I like giving head. They may not apply to you, and it’s OK if you don’t enjoy them or you don’t want to do it. It’s OK to want to spend hours lavishing all your attention on his cock until he comes, shooting spunk into your throat, just as it’s OK to go down on him more briefly as a prelude to other excitement.

It’s OK to give blowjobs however you want but it’s not OK to be write negatively about them and present that as a consensus opinion. It’s not OK to write about forced throat-fucking as something annoying when it’s more like assault. It’s not OK to write about real issues and concerns about sex but present them as a joke. And with so many great sex writers around, there’s just no excuse for such tosh.

Sorry Cosmo – you’re just not good enough.

***

Oh and don’t just take my word for it – in the time it took me to think of my 15 BEST things about blowjobs, I also remembered a whole host of amazing blowjob related sex blogs that it seemed important to share right now. I didn’t quite manage to get up to 15, but here are 10 links that I really love (feel free to add your own in the comments below!):

So don’t let Cosmo put you off blowjobs. They are kind of wonderful…

18 thoughts on “15 BEST Things About Giving Blow Jobs!

  1. Pingback: Blow Job Or Sex
  2. Also – Livvy – yours is a very important article – I think the negativity of the Cosmo one is potentially very damaging – if *I* had read an article when I was just discovering sexuality called “The 15 WORST things about giving women head” I might never have let anyone down there out of shame. What a tragedy!
    I think magazines forget their influence. Thank goodness for sex positive writers like you! X x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done Livvy! Cosmo takes such a childish, immature approach to writing about sex… it’s beyond annoying.
    I have to agree with the point Tabitha made about the influence such magazines have and how important informed and positive sex writing is.
    X

    Liked by 1 person

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