So here it is…my latest attempt at bad erotica. Erotica so bad that I am strangely proud of it!
I absolutely loved the Euph Off last time that Jane from Behind the Chintz Curtain hosted it so *of course* I was going to write something again this time around. And what better way to pay tribute to the greatest spy in British history…
I am hugely excited to announce that the wonderful Exhibit A and Malin James have very kindly narrated my story! They’ve done such a fantastic job that I can almost ignore how cringeworthy all my puns and euphemisms sound out loud… Thank you, it’s absolutely amazing!
Glory Wholl stalked across the casino, her voluptuous figure swaying inside the velvet dress. This was not her first mission as Ernest Blohard’s seductress assassin but was likely to be her hardest. Her target’s reputation preceded him and her loins fluttered at the conflict between her professionalism and throbbing desire.
But she had seen him, identified by his well-tailored suit and vodka martini, and was closing in.
‘You must be…’
‘Bond, James Bond.’
His clipped accent shot through her like a bullet and she could feel her steely resolve melt under his gaze. She leaned in, giving him an ample view to her killer cleavage.
‘Blohard is running late,’ she breathed. ‘He sent me to keep you…entertained.’
Turning, she walked towards the private room and knew that he would follow closely behind. This was too easy.
As soon as the door closed, she pounced. Disarming him with one practiced move, she tossed his Walther PPK into the corner and ripped open his trousers to liberate his other lethal weapon. He was already standing to attention, ready to do whatever was necessary when on her Majesty’s secret service. She groaned with barely concealed desire and fear that the liquid proof of her arousal spilling out over her thighs would dislodge the small gun taped there.
Spread over him, she gripped his hard rod in an attempt to hold him still while she reached down to retrieve her gun when suddenly his fingers started probing her hidden entrance. Sneaking past her defences, his touch ignited her core and sparks rocketed through her. Her secret lair flooded under his expert manipulation and, her body acting of its own volition, she sank into his tumescent organ, spearing herself upon him and crying out in ecstasy.
With each thrust into her throbbing love tunnel, her commitment to killing him vanished like a spectre in the night. She had never wanted or needed anyone like this. Everything he touched turned to excitement! His golden fingers pinched her hard, pulsating love bullet until all the pleasure in the world cascaded over her. But, oh, oh, the world was not enough as her rapture pushed her further and higher, until her outstretched fingers could have raked the moon. Instead, she scratched her nails across his broad back as he fucked the living daylights out of her.
Suddenly Bond paused and pulled a thick fountain pen from his jacket pocket.
‘Q branch would have me courtmartialed for this misuse of government property,’ Bond muttered, his own branch still sliding inside her as he twisted off the pen lid to reveal a miniature drill. ‘This is for your eyes only, darling’
Clicking it on, the pen vibrated violently. One touch to her red button and her crisis erupted like an atomic bomb, the clenching of her galore-ious pussy pushing Bond to a climactic finale as they writhed together in gleeful abandon.
‘Oh James,’ she purred, thoroughly shaken but not stirred, ‘That was, I can’t even…I must be dreaming…’
Oh my, this is too much fun! Click the coffee bean below to see all the other wonderfully awful entries…!
0 thoughts on “The Spy who loved me…”
The name’s Fleming. Livvy Fleming.
Forget Spectre, this version of Bond is to die for! You have done an AMAZING job, Livvy, and I’m so impressed with the way you managed to work in the various film and character names. This paragraph, in particular, is bloody brilliant:
“But, oh, oh, the world was not enough as her rapture pushed her further and higher, until her outstretched fingers could have raked the moon. Instead, she scratched her nails across his broad back as he fucked the living daylights out of her.”
Thank you so much for joining in with the #EuphOff again. You absolutely have a bad erotica license to thrill! 🙂
“She groaned with barely concealed desire and fear that the liquid proof of her arousal spilling out over her thighs would dislodge the small gun taped there.”
This absolutely killed me! I can’t stop grinning!
Someone has definitely taken licence with this one…
Wonderfully awful, but amazingly in keeping with the spirit of Bond.
Brilliant, Livvy, just brilliant! xoxox
Very Very Good! When I go to see Spectre in a couple of days this missive will be running through my brain.
I loved the names – so clever.
And… ahem… arousing
This is so incredibly fantastic, Livvy! I’m in public so can’t listen to what I’m sure will be brilliantly hilarious narration at the moment, but your words! So good! Such a clever idea! You’ve definitely put me in the mood for Bond 😉