‘I just don’t know what to do with myself
Don’t know just what to do with myself
…When I’m not with you
I just don’t know what to do’
– Dusty Springfield, I just don’t know what to do with myself
Desire is my friend.
Desire drives me onwards.
I know what I want and desire makes me want to get it.
It gives me confidence to make myself uncomfortable, to put myself at risk.
Desire has changed me, desire has made me better.
It keeps me warm, it keeps me hungry.
Remembering and wanting puts a smile on my face.
Memories catch me off guard.
Desire takes my breath away.
I laugh unexpectedly, I stumble mid stride, I dance on my tiptoes…
But no, that’s not always true.
Sometimes desire winds me up too tightly to really be my friend.
When desire grabs me, it feels like I can never be satisfied, never be sated.
I am fractious. I am impatient.
I cannot concentrate, I cannot be still.
I pace, I run…I am unfulfilled.
I need to keep busy, to drown out the want.
Memories of touches and sights crowd my mind.
Urgent kisses in doorways, hands sliding under my skirt in restaurants.
A smile from between my legs as I squirm and writhe.
Moans in my ear, lips on my skin…it can be too much…I can’t breathe…
Desire is my champion.
It might have made me stronger, but it’s not without a price…
I love your words, and even when you’re talking about desire weakening you there is strength in your acknowledgement of that. But that Dusty quote…I want to shake her and say ‘get a fucking grip, woman, don’t be so bloody wet’!! Your words deserve a sparkier sassier singer! I like some Dusty, but that song…(although I’m now bloody humming it on a train! ?) x
I just love her voice – it reminds me a lot of growing up as my parents played her music all the time! Their dog is actually named Dusty in her honour… But I definitely agree – I’d thought that particular part fitted quite well with what I was trying to write, but not the rest of the song. That and ‘You don’t have to say you love me’ don’t exactly describe a healthy relationship model! Xxx
Yes, that bit of the song fits really well with your words…it’s just the rest of it. I love a lot of her stuff. One of my best friend’s husband is the son of a vicar and I can remember a particularly drunken party at my flat when I was about 23 where he had about 15 people singing it to me. Good memories!!! Xx
I love this post – it feels like two different views on desire, but at the same time it feels like that is just what desire should be. There should be two sides to it. It just makes sense 🙂
Welcome to Wicked Wednesday!
Rebel xox
Ahh.. I so relate to this! Your pacing and words are beautiful, but even more than that, the twin portraits of desire cut to the heart of wanting. Loved it.
Wonderfully put . . . especially love your last two lines!!!
Xxx – K
No…it’s never without a price, is it?
I love the dichotomy of desire here—sometimes so good, sometimes so troublesome. Your phrasing and lines are just fabulous. Love this!