Busy old fool, unruly sun,
Why dost thou thus,
Through windows, and through curtains call on us?
The Sun Rising, John Donne
I am writing this from one of my favourite places – still in bed, still not dressed and with no intention of getting up anytime soon! This is the best part of the week and something I sorely miss when work or social commitments mean that I have to set an alarm at the weekend. Sleeping during the day is a love that I am rarely able to indulge, which is a shame as I am so good at it! When working nights, I sleep better in the day than I ever do at night, and I always need alarms if I have to get up at any time before 12. Getting up early is hard and waking only when I have slept enough is so decedent that it feels like a treat every time. I can repay the sleep debt that I owe from a week of pretending that I can cope with both late nights and early mornings, and maybe bank some extra hours for next week.
The gains in sleep are not what I really love though. What I need is the time after waking and before getting up when I am in a limbo, awake but not actively involved in my life. Everything that I had planned for the day can wait until I am up and showered so until then, I can spoil myself and it is never a waste. I love gradually gaining awareness of myself as I slowly wake and realising that I could go back to sleep if I wanted. I love how warm and comfortable it is under the duvet, but how I can just stretch out a leg or arm to feel how deliciously cold it is outside.
And really, it’s kind of wonderful to have a bit of extra time…to know that there’s no need to rush. I use these long, lazy mornings to read everything that I have had to put off, from novels and journal articles to all the beautiful and filthy stories that I have collected through out the week…that were too good to read in a hurry when I’m running out of the door and late again, or that were too hot to read at work when I’d have to pretend they aren’t turning me on because I might have to go and do something serious at any second. Some things need to be savoured and enjoyed properly…slowly…
Either that or I can lose myself in my own fantasies…use the time to dream of entire stories, from the first glances and touches that send shivers through me to the toe-curlingly good finishes. And I dream about sharing these idle mornings with someone else…someone who hasn’t left immediately on waking or who doesn’t make me feel awkward and naked. Someone who, when I wake up warm, refreshed and horny, would take me in his arms and try to show me just how wrong I was in thinking it was enough to enjoy this time on my own.
Sometimes I wish every day was like today…but then I guess it wouldn’t feel quite so special…